Okay so before I get into… whatever the heck the sketch is… I want to share a photo that helped me feel a little more ok with my situation when it ain’t gr8 during tiring school times and things like that. It says it shows what goes on when you’re going thru both anxiety and depression.
BUT- these are feelings we can all go thru and should not ignore, regardless of how long-term and how intense they are. They are not us, they are how we feel right now, and that’s ok… it’s not our fault, and trying to shun them rather than accepting them and the need to relax, etc. will only make it worse and worse.
Person Z is sitting alone in an empty room
Z: What do I do? Lol? Whadoidooooo? Idoidoidoido [starts singing ABBA] IdoIdoidoIdoIdoooooooooo. Okay. I can bear with. I can wait. I don’t need people that much. My mind will be fun. Ok I can wait. How long? Shit… NO it’s fine. I just feel a little unloved and lonely that’s all. That’s ok. I can wait till I next feel ok to get out of this empty VR world. Ok. Myself. What’s goin with myselfffffff eh? Fake game of football in head? Why is that only fun to do when I’m choosing to do it among people? This is my real chance to imagine stuffff without feeling guilty. I can do stuff.
“Let’s create right now!”
Paper and pen appear in hand
Z: Comedy. Yes. Comedy. Ok. That’s noice. What’s in my head. Nothing?? Absolutely squat? Aren’t I like… what’s in my mind??
Well what about spiders? Fears? Love? Yes. What about spider love. And my prison idea, how someone really is a police who’s working on a case, but becomes good friends with people who they have to arrest. Fit that in?? Okay. Different story or same story. Different. NO it needs to pack in all or it won’t be enough. I don’t know.
I don’t.. know.
Oh my god. I hate myself. I just wanna feel self-sufficient you know. Because I’m scared I’ve driven everyone in my life away, or either that or they’re truly all trying to expose me, and I just need to be proud of myself
How can I do that? I can’t even plan a small creative piece. Small. How about a sentence? A nice descriptive sentence?
How about writing down how I feel right now? Change the fucking world ayyyy. Relate to people. Should I do that?
What’s been going on thru my mind?? Oh my god, so much, so much, SO MUYCHYBHBHHHJ., And now I can’t put it downnn. I’m useless. I enjoy nothing.
Why? I only burden y’all….. Eventually I fuck up in everything with both myself and otherz. Close friends, something happens and it just fails I dunno.
“End lonely simulation”
Z back into real world
Z: I need to take a walk in the real world. Among people, but alone ya knowwww.
I’M SCARED EVERYONE I KNOW WILL JUDGE ME, SO I’M THEN GONNA TRY AND SHARE MY BELIEFS AND HOPES AND FEARS WITH RANDOM PEOPLE. Cos for now I just need to cope. To feel like I’m not alone, but not to pressurise myself into doing things I don’t want to. I have no idea when these feelings will pass. At times it feels like they never will, even if they always do. And you’ve just gotta wait it out and try your best not to hate yourself. It’s the trying that counts. And admitting that you are going through these things to the world, in whatever way feels comfortable, so that hopefully someone else can relate and feel like they’re not as alone as they thought.
And admitting what you’re going through to yourself, because if you hide away your insecurities from yourself, how can you ever change them? If the world isn’t open about it’s problems, how can it ever change?
Z walking around largely empty streets with headphones on
Z: [sings/mutters multiple times, getting a slightly more ridiculous falsetto each time] I feel just a tad guiltyyyy… for being such a class A jackass
But if. it’s. any. con-sol-at-ion, to the world. that. put. me. heeeere…… I-am-in-pain.
Rips headphones out of ears
Z: But I will keep trying to kick that pain in the ass. By tryna be nice to meeee